The downsides of carrying the weight of other's opinions for too long and the benefits of coming out of it -- from my personal experience.
In this blog, you will find:
My back-story on the after-effects of carrying the burden of others' opinions |
How this behaviour stemmed from my childhood |
How I overcame |
Reference podcast around this topic |
Advantages of building our own opinions |
Parting thoughts |
The back-story of realisation
I started my job in 2014, and unfortunately there was only a limited training time.
Based on my overall interview performance and scores, I was put on a complex project with a confidence that I would be able to handle the pressure.
However, the demands of the job turned out to be more intense than anyone had anticipated, requiring rapid and decisive action.
My struggle with decision making soon became apparent. I found myself frequently leaning on my peers and seniors for guidance.
There obviously is a limit to take/get help.
Eventually, my difficulties escalated to the point where I began questioning why I was getting stuck when making decisions.
The foundation of decision making is rooted in our ability to form and trust our own opinions.
I started to recognise the many instances where I had suppressed my own ideas and opinions, driven by the fear of rejection or criticism - whether at work, during my education, or even back in school.
Deeply rooted childhood
While it's easy to attribute everything to childhood, much of our behaviour does stem from past experiences.
I have always been a 'good boy' to my parents, following my parents' guidance and aligning with their opinions.
I became so accustomed to relying on their decisions - whether small or significant - that I didn’t even realise I was losing my ability to form my own opinions or make decisions.
My whole education has been directed by my parents, which took a typical route. I never considered my likes, as I did not have my own opinions on the same.
Every action I took in the childhood was guided by the thought: "What would my parents think if I did this?"
Now, to some extent this is a good question to ask. But I stretched this question for too long.
And I reached to a point where I started fearing and being skeptical of my own decisions.
Coming out
A few years into my job, I was preparing a presentation when my manager expressed strong opinions on how he wanted certain elements to be.
Despite his clear preferences, I felt inspired to take a different approach and add my own creative flair. Though I wasn’t entirely confident, I mustered the courage to share my ideas with him.
To my surprise and relief, he loved them during our review.
On the day of the presentation, I decided to add even more creative touches, which pleasantly surprised the audience.
The presentation was very well received, and for the first time, I truly felt the satisfaction of owning a success. It felt great to take pride in my work.
Other people's perception is not your reality
I came across this podcast by Jay Shetty at the right time, where he talks about shifting our mindsets of not falling into the trap of other's perception.
It helped me immensely to reflect upon my years long struggle of living under the burden of rejection from others.
The podcast helped me gather my lost confidence in living my life through my views and beliefs, rather than having a herd mentality.
Advantages
To be yourself in the world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest achievement: Ralf Waldo Emerson
The opinions from others eventually weigh us down, and make us act like a puppet of the societal norms.
Here are some of the benefits I have been reaping through building my opinions and belief system:
Reduced manipulation
We are surrounded by forces constantly trying to influence and manipulate us - from advertisements convincing us we need certain products in our lives to every other religious & political ideologies.
By forming my own opinions, I’ve become more aware about my needs and beliefs.
Ownership of the outcomes
When we have our opinions and make decisions based on our own beliefs, we take responsibility for the results.
This sense of ownership empowers us, as the outcomes - whether good or bad - are truly our own.
New experiences
By forming our own opinions, we open ourselves up to unique experiences.
This allowed me to break away from the templates others have set based on what worked for them, leading to my personal growth and discovery.
Parting Thoughts
In a world where many people follow the crowd without questioning their beliefs, it's crucial to develop our own perspectives on the events around us.
When I began forming my own opinions and trusting my intuition, it caused some friction in my relationship with my parents. After years of following their guidance, this shift made me appear as if I had suddenly become rebellious.
But I firmly believe I should have done this sooner than later.
Always stay mindful when others attempt to impose their beliefs and opinions on you.
Question everything that comes your way. Though it might upset the society, it's crucial for protecting yourself from being controlled by others.
[Also a reminder to avoid imposing your opinions on others, and keeping a wiggle room for ideas to flourish.]
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