On reading our frame of mind

How one response from a colleague made me think deeper

Photo by pine watt on Unsplash

Covid-19 is here for a while now, and all of us have been affected by it directly or indirectly. The loss and pain is tremendous. Some have lost their families, their friends, some their livelihood.

Negativity is floating around, at times in a tangent, ready to pierce our minds the very moment we are vulnerable. And yes we are vulnerable at most of those times. The news channels are doing the rest of the job, making sure we consume the negativity and get drowned in it.

The working style has changed. People, like me, who are fortunate enough to continue their work through laptop from their homes now have a home setup. Bigger convertible tables - if your buttocks feel overwhelmed by your desk job, you can stand and work. Extended screens, connectors, lights, "zoom"ing in and out of endless meetings - trying to maintain those fake smiles on the video calls while keeping the storms inside you at leash. But when everyone is working remotely, sometimes getting on a call helps, than typing and getting lost in those sentences.

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I was approaching one such meeting at a not-so-peculiar weekday. Ten minutes before the meeting, I got a message from my colleague with whom the meeting was, asking to reschedule the meeting. I am not a big fan of meetings getting rescheduled, I only love them when they get cancelled!

She messaged, "Hey, let's reschedule. I am not in a right frame of mind."

Now, we have seen plenty of reasons for the meetings getting rescheduled - online or offline doesn't matter. People not joining on time, people being busy with other unplanned work which cannot be avoided, bad internet connectivity and the list goes on. Even when I have to request to reschedule a meeting, I have my own list. But her response was quite particular, and it made me think.

How many times have we been honest about our mental state in order to carry on with our work? Some work just cannot be avoided, and we have to move forward. Not every time we can excuse ourself from a task. But there are plenty of tasks from which we can, and I think we should.

The first big hidden message in that response was about acceptance. Accepting that you are not in a right frame of mind, accepting that maybe you need a break before your mind breaks down entirely. The second message was knowing that it is alright to say you are not in a right frame of mind. We are not emotion-less machines after all.

I am not sure what exactly was she going through, it may be covid related or even some personal issue non-related to the current pandemic. Whatever it may have been at that moment, it takes courage to read and accept our state of mind, and to come and tell exactly the same. No fake excuses, no buttered up reasons. (I found out in a later conversation that it was the pandemic related stress and negativity)

"You cannot help others until you help yourself"

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I still falter when the situation becomes tough. So with the message I am trying to convey, is not to claim that I have it all figured - most of us haven't and it is alright. There will be challenges, and there will be adversities. Today it's the pandemic, tomorrow something else. We will keep losing what is ours - people, possessions, etc. We will be tested time and again, through situations grimmer than others. But the least we can do is accept how we feel at a particular moment, because the first step towards finding your peace is accepting the current flow of emotions.

Life sucks in a denial mode.

Next time if you see yourself in a tough situation, and if you feel like you are not in the right frame of mind, remember that you are not alone. Be honest and excuse yourself, take a break. But don't be a crybaby and overdo it!