This was composed a few days before we celebrated her birthday on the 09th December
her first beach experience!
Dear Zoey,
While I sway you to sleep today, I realise you are only days away from turning 1.
I caught myself wondering momentarily - "just like that, she is one already!”
Just like that? No, I don’t think so.
I still remember this time last year. The excitement to feel your kicks from mumma's tummy when I would whistle, or when you were hungry.
Remember me dancing around with a pillow in my arms, visualizing you already, when mumma used to sing our favorite prayer? Nah, you probably don’t.
Neither the journey of carrying you for 9 months has been just like that, nor this one year. And this is not a glory of our sacrifices, so don’t misunderstand.
Mumma had to be in bed for 6 months. Some thought “oh that's good - you can rest, sleep or do whatever you want.”
NO! That wasn’t nice or good.
She almost had bed sores, even on the softest of the beds. I can still see her twisting and turning on the bed. The frequent washroom breaks in the middle of night, the struggle of going back to sleep. With the cervical stitches, there was this constant anxiety lingering over our heads of losing you.
Amidst all this, she continued working for months lying in the bed - typing with one hand, taking calls.
One day she told me that her voice comes out hazy, for she has to speak on the phone while lying down. I almost cried. She started with her maternity soon after.
I could see myself complaining even after having everything. I stopped.
Then you happened. Your first sight, the twinkle in those eyes! I thanked god for a baby girl, and also for looking after mumma during all of the process.
Everything was new for us, and yes we were terrified to take care of a tiny kukku.
And now comes the part where I know this one year has not been just like that too.
Your initial struggle to latch when you were hungry.
The bathing rituals, where you may have felt breathlessness. The head washes.
Almost every night of blocked nose, and how we have been putting those nose drops until today.
The struggle with first poop.
The struggle with back-to-back pooping. The struggle with constipation.
The irritation with vomiting, cough cold, colic troubles.
Those vaccinations every month. The pain of taking the injections in your tiny arms and legs. The fever that follows next.
Those blood tests, and how they had to take your blood twice because of their level of expertise. It was awful for you, I know.
Not to forget your teething, which has been blamed for every of your issue above.
You are not eating, aah because of teething.
You are not sleeping, maybe because of teething.
Cranky? Teething.
The list is endless. Maybe your teething process has gotten jinxed because of these false accusations, and hence the delay.
And the monster of all - the diaper rashes. You couldn’t even touch your legs, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat.
There was once something pricking me in my back. I woke up and could scratch myself back to sleep.
I always wonder how you managed all of these minor to majors? For you knew to communicate your discomfort only through cries!
And the funny misconception of how you would either be hungry or sleepy when you cry!
What if you wanted to scratch your back? Or your nose? Or your leg for a mosquito bite? We would never know, while we may have stuffed you with feeds.
There is more joy to this journey than all your troubles I have mentioned above. But all of this had to be mentioned today, as an acknowledgment of your struggles with growing up.
You, my chikku, are a warrior. Your endurance level, your patience, and the overall YOU.
I cannot thank god more, for making you more like mumma. Because it would have been tricky to bare another version of myself in the challenges above!
As you grow, people may come to you and say how you grew up just like that, or how you achieved your goals just like that. Do not believe them when they say this.
You have fought your battles and only you would know. I want you to remember your journey.
Because my chikku, nothing happens just like that. Things happen with conscious efforts, and with fun, and with gratitude.
Happy birthday! I love you ❤️
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