How to offend a fellow Indian - 101
- Bharat Barve
- Apr 11
- 4 min read
It is surprisingly easy to offend us, Indians. And no, you don’t need to be on a grand stage or be a celebrity to express an opinion that disturbs the masses. The outrage is often closer and more accessible than we would like to believe.
Offence seems to be a daily occurrence - even when you are just minding your business and trying to get through the day. And when someone who regularly practices yoga or meditation gets visibly upset over something trivial, it really makes you wonder about the depth of that so-called spiritual journey.
Here are a few personal instances where I unintentionally managed to offend my fellow countrymen - without even trying.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed here are personal, and it would be weirdly ironical if you find this blog offensive.
Religion and beliefs
Consuming meat on Mondays/Thursdays/Saturdays
That is outright anti-religion!
Carrying eggs in a transparent bag in front of building wale uncles on a Monday morning
I do it on purpose, and honestly, the looks I get are half the fun.
Planning a vacation during festivals.
Because that goes against the religion somehow!
Refusing to participate in the general nuisance of the festivals.
Outward patriotism
Getting up late on Independence and Republic Days.
Remember -"Our soldiers are fighting........."?
It’s lovely to celebrate these days, but their true meaning shows in how we treat our country the rest of the year. (and not being a prick for other 363 days!)
Criticising on some day-to-day inconveniences as a common citizen.
You seem to have quite some problems with this country, why don't you leave it then?!
Ignorance is bliss, once you learn the art of ignorance.
Having a conflicting opinion on a government policy.
I once dared to question a government policy - just casually, over chai. Five minutes later, you would think I declared war on the nation. Even the chai got cold from the tension.
Not idolising a political figure
You lack values and a moral compass.
Diet & Family
Politely refusing to eat a sweet offered while visiting a relative's house (or any other thing that does not fit in your diet)
Your behaviour is being disrespectful.
Telling someone you are on a diet.
Isn't dieting some way of torturing our bodies?!
Diet wiet is nothing. We should enjoy our lives and eat everything - said the person popping diabetes pills between bites of gulab jamun.
Teaching your kid to say a thank you every time they are offered something by someone. This is not in our culture!
Why are you teaching your kid to say a thank you after I offer her prasad?
Not touching the feet of an elderly
Kahan gaye tumhare sanskar?!
Social setups
Refusing to drink because you are on a break
What?! Why are you killing the vibe? And just like that, I was benched from all invites - until the next commercial break in life.
Conveying your opinions on some weird and unwanted comment by an elderly
how dare you disrespect an elderly!
Making jokes purely based on personal opinions and experiences
Bad taste and f*king offensive!
Politely request someone to not litter in a public place
Because after-all, we follow cleanliness only on foreign lands!
Reaching the destination at the mutually agreed time, and ask the other person why they were late by 40 minutes.
Indian standard time - for a reason
Roads
Crossing a busy road
how dare you obstruct my way!
Honking for someone who is speaking on their phone and riding their motorcycle.
I am on an important call, with the PM discussing national security.
Asking someone to move their vehicle as it is blocking your way
It is always the other way around.
Overtaking someone driving slower than you.
You know the type - tinted windows, flashy number plates, and a strong allergy to traffic rules.
Takeaway
If you ever feel like you are the only one navigating this passive-aggressive obstacle course, rest assured - you are not alone. And if you are going to offend someone anyway, you might as well do it with dry humor but with good intentions.
I also believe that choosing your battles is the most peaceful and sensible way to live - especially when you are surrounded by hot-headed people driven by strong egos and pride (blame this on global warming!)
Until then - stay safe, stay curious, and maybe..just maybe.. keep your opinions just slightly under the radar. Or don’t - and we can laugh about it at the uninvited table together.
More importantly -
Let's be a citizen worth fighting for.
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Loved reading this one! These day to day examples made me crack up while reading